Dec 13th 2007 07:20 pm Translation of Lysias’s speech from Plato’s Phaedrus
Sometimes Plato reads like a Classical version of a “Casual Encounters” ad on Craigslist. From the Phaedrus.
Phaedrus: (quoting Lysias) Hello little boy, let’s get it on and then be good friends! I don’t love you, but that’s okay, because if I did it would be worse for everyone! It’s really better to just be friends and have sex. Have I convinced you yet? No? Okay, well, if you only want sex with people you’re in love with, there are, like, so few of them! And people who are in love are so lame and emotionally, intellectually and psychologically crippled! And it makes them fight with their families! Let us speak of them no more! If you are convinced by my argument, I promise to love you long time1 without EVER thinking of my own pleasure! Seriously! Unrelatedly, isn’t it interesting that friendship can exist between family members in the absence of erotic love? Anyway, I think it’s best to do —I mean, “share your goods” with— only people who can “hit you back on the flippity-flop,” so to speak, don’t you? But that doesn’t mean you should just go losing your stickiness2 with everyone you come across. No way. A lover would never let you have other lovers, so I’m totally justified in wanting some exclusivity here, and don’t even try to play me like that. So…wanna go back to my place and have intercourse?
Socrates: My heart is all aflutter!
Phaedrus: Are you making fun of me?
Socrates: Yes.
Phaedrus: I’d like to see you do better, chump! If you can, I’ll build a gold statue of both of us here by the riverbank! I know how you like the bling bling.
Socrates: Can I wear a bag over my head?
Phaedrus: Okay.
Socrates: All right then.
Footnotes
- Actually a quote from Plato! ↩
- Simply irresistible: “The gift of sex is like a piece of sticky tape on the arm […]. When pulled off for the first time it’s strong. Each time this is done, part of each person remains with the tape. Soon it is easy to remove because the residue from the various arms interferes with the tape’s ability to stick. The same is true in relationships, where previous sexual experiences interfere with the ability to bond.” So saith Dr Eric Keroack, Chief of Family Planning Programs at the US Department of Health and Human Services. (Thanks, Laura) ↩
Posted by Kyle / criticism and humor and literature and philosophy
Collin on 13 Dec 2007 at 9:53 pm #
The first time I ever looked at the M4M singles page on craigslist, I got highly offended because, unlike all the other singles pages, the M4M has a big ole warning page at the beginning, and I was all like, “OMGWTFDISCRIMINATION!!!” And then I actually looked at the m4m page, and, unlike all the other pages, the m4m page is nothing but offers of casual sex, described in obscene detail by men whose anatomy, based on the claims in their ads, is anomalous to say the least. It was not a great moment for equality.
Also, cant you just see Ralph Wiggum exclaiming “I lost my stickiness!”