Digital Overtone

Collin: I have not yet had a professor actually hold my attendance against me.
Collin: Well, that’s not true.
Collin: It’s happened at least twice in fact. But the overwhelming majority of my professors haven’t held it against me.
Collin: Because my work is so brilliant.
Me: And your humility so inspiring.
Collin: Yeah, I’m pretty much a paradigm for perfection
Me: That has become clear to me over the course of our friendship
Collin: If it helps, think of me as a role model
Me: Oh, I already do Collin. I already do indeed.
Collin: I wish I could remember how many absences i’ve actually had in this class.
Me: Send the prof. an e-mail:
Me: "Hey, I was trying to decide whether to come or not today…Can you let me know how many absences I already have?"
Collin: Good idea.
Me: Professors are always impressed by go-getters.
Collin: "p.s. Can you tell me if you are actually going to teach anything relevant tonight?"
Me: That’s a good addition.
Collin: See my comments re: my perfection.
Me: I was just observing a quiet moment of reflection regarding just that.
Collin: Such moments are best kept quiet.
Collin: Otherwise they inexplicably lead to raucous laughter. I can’t figure it out.

Posted by Kyle / doublespeak